Are you lonely?
Are you hurting?
Do you feel rejected?
Are you afraid?
Do you feel like your life is a lie?
When I was in my 20’s that was me. I was lonely all the time. I spent hours trying to find a relationship that would make me complete. It took years before I realized that I need to be complete before I can truly find that relationship. But I’ll come back to that.
My loneliness led to incredible hurt and anger. I would see friends of mine who had meaningful relationships and I couldn’t say anything nice to them, or about them. I had one young lady that I got to know that was engaged to another guy. She moved back to Wisconsin, but a year later shows up at my door, she moved in with me for two weeks and left. Nothing happened. She leaves me this long note about how it wasn’t meant to be. The hurt became something like an angry animal. It raged, it hungered, but wasn’t fed.
Rejection after rejection drove my anger worse. It began to turn inward so I couldn’t respect myself. I doubted my own self-worth. I got into a relationship with a woman who was married, and I eventually married her, then did it again legally. That’s a whole other story. But a few weeks after we got married she got pregnant. The problem was she already had a son, and wasn’t ready to have another child. Her mother drove her to planned parenthood and she terminated the pregnancy. In other words, she killed my child or children. The hurt and anger were there, but the rejection, the sorrow. It hurt to breathe.
Then the fear. This unhealthy relationship then began to be ruled by fear. It was fear of future rejection. I stayed in it because I didn’t want her to leave me. I would do anything to slake the fear. I went too far in debt. I lied to my family. Anything to stop the fear, if for only a little while.
It finally got to a point after 11 years that I realized that I was living a lie. I ended the relationship, and began another 8 years of arguing about child support (for her son that I adopted, and twins that were born later). It was a horrible, stressful, agonizing time.
In all of this, I practiced atheism. I relied upon myself. I thought that religion was man’s attempt at putting something in place to teach people how to be moral. Since I saw myself as already moral, I didn’t need religion. Which God would I serve anyway? I spent a lot of time mocking those of faith, and challenging their beliefs. Did it make me feel good? No, not really. It gave me a momentary feeling of superiority, but I would not call that good. You see that pride was just a future indication of personal failure that would happen at some point.
There is more, but that’s enough to get my point across. You see, that depth of hurt, that raging animal of anger, the icy cold loneliness, and the bone breaking heartache are no more. I have renounced atheism and have been a loyal, faithful, zealous Christian for more than 5 years. The times have not been easier, in some ways they have been tougher. But I’ve never been alone. I’ve never been rejected by my heavenly father. I am a child of God before I’m a father, husband, employee, or anything else. In Genesis it says that God looked at his creation and said it was very good. God thinks I’m very good. Is there anything that could top that? You know that you are very good in God’s eyes too?
The point of this message is that God is there for you. You may go through trials, but that is just a way to refine your character. If you submit to God, he will get you through, and he will make you better. He will support you. He will take care of you. He is your heavenly father, and he loves you.
If I had it all to do over again, I would have renounced atheism earlier, I would have driven pride from myself and I would have sought God’s approval, not man’s. But I can’t do that. Instead, I have a rich history of experiences to share with people that can build them up, and help them get through the tough things, the heartache, the rejection, the loneliness. You see, it isn’t me who makes me complete. It isn’t my wife that makes me complete (she makes me better). It’s my relationship with God that makes me complete.
How can I help you find him and make yourself complete?